Ridicule and Resolutions

When was the last time you embarrassed yourself or felt embarrassed?

I’m not talking about the time you tripped up some stairs and caught yourself or even the time you tripped up some stairs and didn’t catch yourself.  I’m talking more about the last thing that you did that you dreaded. Maybe you had to do to it, like a presentation at work, or perhaps it was something you thought about doing but didn’t; like go for a promotion, or join a run club, or start a blog (see what I did there?)

The last week or so I have really thought about what it takes to level up, to challenge yourself, to grow, and in thinking about it, I thought of fear and the subtle things we do to avoid embarrassment.

Recently, I watched my nephew learn to walk.  He would only try when no one was looking.  I have no clue what was going on in his baby brain, but I do know if it had been me I would have felt pretty awkward trying to walk with a room full of people were watching me like a hawk, and all of them already knew how to do it (how embarrassing right?). I know the baby analogy for walking is so cliché, but it’s used with good reason.

 Let me phrase it differently though, can you think of even ONE thing that you learned that was integral to propelling your life forward that wasn’t terrifying to start?

Now when is the last time you did something like that?

Whether or not the world is watching you or you just think they are you gotta learn to walk.  If you can't find something that pivotal you could be doing in your own life, it means you are quietly organizing your life to avoid it.

I appreciated in some ways I had become too comfortable.

I needed to be pushed into a really uncomfortable level of embarrassment because it is in that discomfort that more profound lessons are learned.

This year I am going to make an active effort to embarrass myself.

I intend to do scary sh*t and fail.

If you feel like you have been choosing the “safe” option for a while, remember:

Safe will later be your synonym for regret. 

2018 was about adjusting small things to make more significant changes

2019 will be about BIG MOVES and not always being successful, but getting further along.

I won't list all the future embarrassing acts I plan to do in 2019 but seeing more of my writing will be one of them, setting (and resetting) some more personal challenges this year will be making the list. Probably being seen in public with a selfie stick will happen as I just suck up my embarrassment and go for that elusive OOTD shot, and resuming teaching outdoors Sunday’s. This is only a fraction of what I hope to accomplish. The goal is to feel awkward in 2019. I know, it doesn’t sound particularly sexy or uplifting but all my uncomfortable, anxiety-inducing embarrassing moments have given me the knowledge and strength to get to the next stage of my life which I can say without a doubt has always improved.

I encourage you if you are reading this to think about what you are doing that is playing it safe. If while reading this there is a gnawing in your stomach, and you feel like 2019 will just be a slightly better version or the same as 2018 then maybe you need to start making the big gestures that make you cringe a little.

Time to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.